Yesterday I really fucked up - I was called in my bosses office to discuss and, again, as usual, I lost control, I started wanting to look at her legs. I have social anxiety, I just can't relax when I need to talk to people, especially when they are physically close to me.

And that hunk next to me at the office - I think he's starting to realize that I find him attractive. I need to find a way to overcome my anxiety around people. Perhaps I should go to a professional. There are drugs effective for social anxiety (benzodiazepines etc.). I think I need to find the strength and resolution to go - I've already made positie changes in my life and need to make more to become normal, to lead a more normal and fulfilling and ultimately happy life. I think I deserve this. I think everyone does.